freakshow?

I used to love the attention we get whenever we bring Arissa and Arianna out. But now, it’s getting really annoying, especially when strangers ask really obvious and intrusive questions. I feel like we’re some kind of a freakshow sometimes. I mean, how would you feel if complete strangers openly stare at your baby or happily touch and coo your baby like she’s public property? I once had a lady literally stopping me in my tracks to look at the twins and ask me all the typical questions that I always get. I was in a hurry to get somewhere, and it was really tempting to give her rude answers.

Sometimes I feel I should attach a banner or something with these answers on the strollers..

Yes, they are twins.

No, they’re not identical.

No, I did not have a ‘normal’ delivery.

Yes, I’ve got my hands full sometimes.

No, they don’t always cry or poo at the same time.

No, twins do not run in my family.

Yes, they’re both girls, just look at the all-pink outfits you idiots!

This is the older one (although only by a minute so it doesn’t really matter who’s older).

Now, whenever we go out, I tend to push the stroller really fast and whiz by staring strangers as fast as I could to avoid their questions. I do enjoy the instant smiles that got on their faces, or the excitement of little children, or the envious looks on their faces the moment they saw Arissa and Arianna though. It makes me proud to be part of an exclusive group of parents with multiples. On the other hand, having twins nowadays isn’t that rare. Daddy’s childhood best friend recently had boy-girl twins, and one of my best friends is expecting her second set of twins. Amazing, huh?

updates..

It’s Friday, one day after the Aidil Adha, and I am actually at work. Supposed to be finishing up my work so that I can go on for my long leave but am so malas! So, been blog-hopping since morning – that explains this sudden update in my own blog. Heheh..

Anyways, it’s been months since my last update, so here’s a little update :-

We finally enrolled Ally into her pre-school, an expensive one at that – hopefully she won’t be kicking and screaming when we send her there early next year.

We survived a whole weekend in PD last weekend, without Kakak. I surprised even myself that I was able to handle two very grumpy babies and a demanding 3 year old all on my own. Supermom? Heheh..

Arissa and Arianna proved to be a handful. They’re almost crawling and are everywhere on the floor.

Ally’s 3rd birthday is coming up this weekend, and so far we haven’t planned anything for her. Perhaps just a small do at Atuk and Nenek’s with a small cake and some pressies.

Mummy’s stressed out at work. :-(

Ally’s not potty trained yet, but yesterday she asked to do her ‘business’ on the big ‘potty’. She was so proud of herself when she finally did it. Go, girl!

Can’t help feeling a bit sentimental over the fact that my baby’s all grown up now. Ally no longer clings to Mummy like she used to, and we can actually have an actual conversation with her. Plus, she’s more than happy to leave Mummy to go to Mama’s sometimes.

Arissa and Arianna have shown that they indeed have different personalities. Arianna’s more aggresive, Arissa’s more manja, both are naughty though Arissa tend to be the ‘observer’.

Mummy can now tell the twins apart, with 100% confidence. Really!

Daddy still gets confused on who’s who sometimes. :P

daddy!!

I used to have this negative perception against those wives/husbands who decide to live separately – no, not the kind of separation when there’s a problem in their marriages, but the kind where one spouse lives and works in a different city/state/country than the other. I mean, I knew, most of the time it’s not by choice, but still, there must be something you can do about it. I used to throw comments like, mintak transfer je la, or if it’s not possible, resign je la. After all, once you marry someone, it just doesn’t make sense that you should live separately. Right?

Well, guess where I am now. Back at my parents’ place with my three kids while dear Hubby is away in Malacca. All those vows I made before, to follow him to the end of the world, to always be by his side (mainly not because I could not bear being away from him, but because I couldn’t trust him to be on his own..heheh) – all have been thrown out the window. I understand now the complications of marriage and raising a family. It involves making difficult decisions and lots, lots of sacrifice.

I had initially thought this long distance relationship would be difficult. It really surprised me that it’s not as difficult as I’d thought. Sure, I miss him a lot, but preoccupying myself with work and the girls really helped. I’ve also since become more independent. And our relationship with each other – better than ever. I guess the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ really does ring true.

It does gets lonely sometimes though. But I’m lucky to have the girls with me. It saddens me sometimes to think that he’s out there all on his own. Poor Daddy.. :(

I keep reminding myself that the current arrangement is the best option that we have right now, for the good of the family. And it won’t be long before we’ll be together again as a family (I hope).

I now have more reasons to look forward for the weekends, where I get to meet Hubby and the girls could be with their Daddy.

We miss you, Daddy!! *sob sob*

libra today

Your recent fascination with material goods is getting stronger, but it's not going to hinder your financial growth -- despite the fact that your tastes are becoming more expensive. The surprising generosity of someone you know will enable you to enjoy having more without spending more. Show this person the right amount of gratitude, and she or he will keep being generous. It's not always easy to receive gifts graciously, but your charm will help you figure out how.

Hmm...I wonder who that someone is...

my little genius

Ally recognizes these words :

ALLY

MUMMY

DADDY

:)

36 weeks

36 weeks along, and I feel like I could explode any minute now. I’m huge (although some people still insists otherwise), I can’t sleep, I’m aching all over and I can’t stop peeing. I’m constipated. Getting out of bed is a pain. Getting in and out of the car is even worse. Sitting down for a long stretch of time gives me major back pain. In fact, lying down also gives me back pain. I can’t lie on my sides either. My tummy will start to harden and I’ll have this contraction-like pain.

As much as I want all these to be over, and to finally meet my twins, I’m also dreading the delivery process. I was told by my doctor here in JB yesterday that there’s a high probability that I will have to undergo a C-Section because both babies are breech. She thinks it’s not likely that the first baby will change its position to head-down, as there’s not much space left for it to move. She even advised me to set a date for the procedure! I’ve never had an operation done on me before and I’m scared shit of the prospect. The scary part is that I’ll likely be awake throughout the procedure – Imagine being fully aware that you are being cut open!

But I’m keeping my hopes up. My doctor in KL is usually more optimistic, and I’m hoping she’ll have something else to say. I am really, really looking forward for my appointment with her next week.

names, names, names!

I need names for the twins! Suggestions please!!

They must start with the letter ‘A’ and goes well with the second name ‘SAIRA’.

So da dear, Jessica and Elizabeth are out! Heheh..

twinnies

Apparently twin pregnancies are quite common these days. I know of at least four people from my college who had twins or are currently pregnant with twins (including myself).

Maybe it was something we ate. :P

Quiz : Are You A Typical Mom?

The above quiz result kinda surprised me actually. I never thought of myself as a 'typical mom'. Or am I?

small?

Amazingly, I still get comments from people saying that I’m ‘small’, especially when I tell them that I’m carrying twins and am 30 weeks along into my pregnancy. They normally try to justify my ‘smallness’ by saying things like ‘oh, maybe it’s because you have a small body’, or ‘oh, it’s because you’re so petite’. Isn’t it ironic? I’ve never been described as being small or petite before, and now, when I’m the biggest as I’d ever been all my life, people are describing me as that. Maybe I should get pregnant more often, to give people the impression that I’m actually a petite woman – while in actual fact I am, well, you know, definitely NOT that. If only they knew how I’ve struggled all my life looking for that perfect pair of jeans that could hide my big bum or getting into those tight-fitting t-shirts without exposing too much of my huge boobs.

Actually, this is one of the things that I like about being pregnant. I could wear anything and not worry about being called ‘fat’. Haha.

third and final trimester

I’m huge, uncomfortable and aching all over. Not to mention the frequent toilet visits – it’s every five minutes now. Worst of all, as I realise that my due date is drawing nearer, I’m getting all freaked out again. I have less than three months to go – or much less than that if the twins decide to make an early appearance, and I haven’t prepared anything! There’s still plenty of baby shopping to do, we haven’t even shortlisted the possible names for the babies, there’s the maid problem, and gasp! Am I emotionally and physically ready for this?

I think Ally is beginning to grasp the concept of ‘babies in mummy’s tummy’. I showed her the week-by-week fetal development pictures from babycenter.com and told her that those are the ‘adiks’ in mummy’s tummy. She seemed excited at first, but as I showed her more slides and talked more about it she became upset and started hugging me. Jealous la tu.

We went for our 27th week appointment last week. It went great, except for the fact that Dr. D started to scare me with the possibility of a preterm labour and c-sections. She also prescribed me with iron supplement to increase my blood flow (or something like that) because there’s a possibility that I may lose a lot more blood with a twin delivery. Just thinking about all the blood (and writing about it now) is making me dizzy. Of course I knew about all those possibilities from all my readings before, but it’s really different hearing it from your own doctor. It makes it more real somehow.

The greatest part of the doctor’s visit was of course, seeing my babies with the ultrasound. We even saw the face of Baby No. 1 quite clearly. Baby No. 2’s a bit shy, she was playing a game of hide-and-seek. Even Dr. D had difficulty locating her. Anyway, they’re both growing beautifully, and yes, they’re both still girls. Baby No. 1 now weighs approximately 867.0 grams, while Baby No. 2 is only 815.0 grams. As long as the Doctor says they’re fine, I’m happy enough. Can’t wait to see them and to hold them in my arms.

Yes, I’m actually having mixed feelings right now. Scared, excited and worried, all at the same time.

a new problem arises..

Our maid just told us yesterday that she has decided to go back after all. Whatever her reasons may be, I have a feeling that the bottom line is that she’s freaked out over the prospect of having to take care of two newborns and a toddler, as well as the multiple workload that comes with it. I did not even bother to try to talk her into staying this time. I mean, if she doesn’t want to stay, then I don’t want her around. I don’t want her to be resentful, which could affect her work. Plus, I don’t trust her – it’s a long story, and I think she knows it and may be one of the reasons she’s leaving.

So now, I have less than 6 months to get a replacement.

And, some items on my wishlist for the twins will now have to be crossed off. *sob sob*.

a wild adventure

I read somewhere that pregnant women tend to have vivid dreams, especially so when it’s a multiple pregnancy. It may be a sign of anxiety, or maybe your mind is subconsciously trying to tell you something. I found this to be very true. I remember having vivid dreams almost every night during my earlier stage of pregnancy. Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to me then how interesting it would be to keep a ‘dream journal’ – just something to have to look back on, if not for some kind of psychological analysis purposes. The frequency of the dreams have dwindled a little now, but I do still get some weird dreams every once in a while.

Last night, I was at my parents’ house with Ally and my maid, only the house was not their current house, it felt like the house I grew up in. It looked very different somehow, but I just knew that it was my parents’ house where I grew up in. There were a lot of people, relatives and siblings with their offsprings, but looking back, I didn’t recognize any of them. I wanted to leave but Ally seems too happy playing with her cousins, so I decided to let her stay. So I told my maid that I’m just going to run home for a while (which was, apparently, just a few houses away) to get her clothes and some supplies. And I left, driving my car.

Suddenly I was driving on a big highway, but it was dark and there weren’t any other cars. I was lost and didn’t know where to go. I kept on driving, trying to find my way back to my house. And then, all of a sudden I was no longer in my car. I was in a dark alley somewhere – it looked something like an underground station. There were some other people around, all men, seemingly in a rush to get somewhere. I walked down the alley, going the same way as them, then I saw a wide flight of stairs. I went down the stairs, slowly at first. Then I felt like I was being followed, so I quickened my steps and almost fell. And I remember thinking that I must get to Subang Parade immediately, someone was waiting for me, and I was running late. I think it was my mother and my sister, I can’t remember exactly now, but it was definitely some family members.

I was still lost and had no idea where I was. I kept on walking, and I eventually came out to a busy road, with taxi stands and bus stands on the side. I still didn’t know where I was. I looked around, and finally saw a familiar building – the Dayabumi. I remember feeling relieved, then decided to take a cab to Subang Parade. However, none of the cab drivers would take me. Apparently, Subang Parade was very, very far away from there. One of the cab drivers (a chubby, manly woman) told me that the only way I could get there was by bus. I told her I didn’t know how to take a bus, so she went on and explained the route I should take – the bus number, where I should get down and change to a different bus, etc etc. It was all so confusing to me, and I started to get desperate. I begged her to take me to Subang Parade, or as far as she can take me – I thought I will then take it from there. She refused. An elderly, malay cab driver overheard my desperation and offered to take me (he was the first one I asked in the first place). I was so happy with the offer, so I quickly got into his cab. Then I asked him where he would drop me. I thought he was only taking me as near as he could to Subang Parade, but then he said he’ll take me all the way. I finally gave out a sigh of relief and leaned back, closing my eyes, while he drove on.

naughty ally

Right now I am ignoring Ally to teach her a lesson. But she seems defiant and wouldn't give in. This trait must have come from Daddy! I've always been a nice and obedient child, so obviously she didn't get it from me.

Lately she seems to be asserting her independence and individuality a lot more than usual. Now I totally get the 'terrible twos' thing. She says NO to everything I want her to do. Like tonight, for example, she just refuses to put on her shirt. I even had to force her nappy on, I wouldn't want her to soil my bed or the rest of the house if an 'accident' should happen.

Now she's happily playing with her toys without her shirt on. And oblivious to the fact that Mummy is mad and is ignoring her.

Arghhh!! Tension.

22nd week

Went to my 22nd week's doctor’s appointment last week. It was alright, generally, but I find the meeting itself to be quite dissappointing and uneventful. The reasons being :-

a) Decided to see Dr. D at the Hospital instead of her external private clinic as I usually do – I thought it would be more convenient as I wanted to bring Ally in for her jab as well. Turned out there was a looong queue and we had to wait until almost 2.00 p.m for our turn (we were there since morning – luckily Ally did not make too much of a fuss).

b) Had earlier called Dr. D’s clinic and told the nurse to inform Dr. D that I’ll be seeing her at the Hospital, so please let her have a copy of my records with her by the time I see her. This must have slipped her mind because Dr. D seemed quite blur when we went to see her (she’s usually quite friendly and give long explanations – but then again maybe she was just too tired by the time we saw her - we were one of her last patients for the day).

c) The highlight of my appointments are usually the ultrascan sessions – when I get to see my babies and Dr. D gives detailed explanations on the babies’ development and reassurances that nothing seems to be wrong. Turned out that the machine at the Hospital was a little bit outdated compared to hers at her clinic, so the visions were not as clear and certain information such as the weight of the babies could not be picked up. Major letdown!

d) The meeting ended almost as soon as it began. Dissappointing after waiting for hours.

e) The total charge came up to approximately RM300! These include blood testing, pharmacy and double consultation charges because there are two babies!

So that’s it, no more seeing her at the Hospital. Maybe she’s more relaxed in her own private clinic. As for the double consultation charges, although it could be a cause for complaint, to be honest I don’t really mind that much. I do think she’s taking advantage of the whole situation, but I’m not sure if I should fight it. I love her – she’s nice, gentle and always patiently gives detailed explanations – so I don’t want to lose her. I mean, it’s not easy to get doctors like that these days. Sure, the charges burn a hole in my pocket every month, but I think they’re worth it. I’ll just stop shopping for myself from now on (I have to start getting used to it anyway).

My next appointment’s supposed to be on the 18th of March. But I’m postponing it to 24th (Pay Day!!).

out with the old, in with the new

I bought my first car – Inokom Atos, in 2003, just barely a year after I started working. And now, the demands of a growing family is forcing us to part ways. Despite the ridicules that I often have to take in about it (tiny, slow pick-up, etc, etc), I can’t help feeling a bit sad about letting it go. It was my very first car, and it has reliably served me for almost four years. It has never given me any problems (except for the time I banged into a rock just weeks after I got it – which was, technically, my fault). Its small size allows me to squeeze in and out of parking spaces with ease, zig-zagging on busy roads, zoom here and there in a hurry, and a lot more. I am soo gonna miss it when I start driving our new [used], HUGE Toyota Estima soon.

Yes, we got ourselves an MPV - a 1995/97 Toyota Estima. I’d always thought we had at least a couple more years before we would need one, that is, maybe when we have had three children. Well, with the twins arriving soon, we are going to have three children!

Honestly, it wasn’t love at first sight for me and the Estima. I thought it was too big and looked too much like a van. And, with my zero knowledge about car mechanics, I thought new was always better. So, based on what we can afford, I was more keen on maybe a Kia Carnival or a Hyundai Trajet. But Daddy managed to convince me on how much better the Estima was, about it being a Toyota, Japanese instead of Korean, yada, yada, so I gave in. (He can be very, very convincing and arguing with him just takes off too much of my energy right now).

Right now, after I’ve had a feel of it, I absolutely love it!! The interior is so spacious and ultra-comfortable. The middle row consists of two seats with an aisle in the middle, so the baby seats for the twins can be put there and I can easily move back and forth to attend to them. The backseats are fully reclinable to a bed-like position, the trunk space is huge (majorly practical as we have to lug around a lot of baby items), and, there’s a VCD player (a great distraction tool for the kids). Driving it is also not as difficult as I’d thought. Parking may be a problem, though. Well, I’m sure I’ll get better with practice, and in the meantime, I’ll just have to avoid side parkings and small parking spaces wherever possible.

Having the MPV just makes me feel so grown-up! Haha.

little einstein?

I tried to update this blog last night, but Ally made me watch Sesame Street with her. It’s her favourite show now, apart from Barney. Urghh. I never liked that big purple dinosaur before, but I have to admit, after watching it repeatedly, I find it to be o-kay la. The songs are quite nice, and Ally (and mummy) always looks forward to the end for the ‘I Love You’ song. She can even sing it! Her interest in Barney has also prompted me to do something I thought was unimaginable before – I bought her a set of Barney books! In my defense, the books are not all that bad, in fact they’re quite educational.

Sometimes I wonder if she’s a genius. I know, every parent would think that their child is the greatest, but I really believe in Ally’s case, it’s true! She just turned two, and she already knows her ABCs and 123s, correctly identifies most animals and body parts, remembers names, and even sings. She also has quite an extensive vocabulary (for her age, at least that’s what I think). One thing that I notice about her is that she’s got great memory, you only need to teach her something once or twice, and she’ll remember them.

I am one proud mummy! She’s going to be a great sister to the twins (I hope).

nature calls

Nature has a cruel way of training me to prepare me for the twins.

For the past week, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night, at least every two hours, to pee. And I don’t fall back to sleep so easily, so I’ve only been getting minimal amount of sleep. Needless to say, most of the days, I don’t function really well at the office. Today’s an exception though. An issue that requires my immediate attention has surfaced, so it kinds of wakes me up a little. I’m still too sleepy to give it my 100%, but then again, when did I ever gave 100% when it comes to work?

Heheh. I’m a lazy bum. I know. That’s why some people are still sceptical about my ability to handle the twins. Maybe God is teaching me a lesson, for being lazy and dependant on other people all my life.

And I’ll take it as a challenge!

But I’m not declining any offers of help.

forward looking

Isn't life great when you have something to look forward to? You go through life with a purpose, and as each day ends, you get the sense of satisfaction that you are one day closer to that purpose. And as each new day begins, you feel recharged knowing that by the end of that day, you are closer still to that purpose.

That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. So what am I looking forward to? Take a wild guess.

Yup. The arrival of the twins.

Though a little bit scared, I'm filled with anticipation of what my life would be like once they arrive. There will surely be some changes, no doubt. And life won't get any easier. But wouldn't it be fun to see how I cope?

Some people may not think I can do it, but I get a weird feeling that I just might.

Little Miss Ally

Last night I got so frustrated with Ally, I felt like crying. She was particularly cranky, bossy, naughty and clingy yesterday when I got back from work. I was tired and not feeling well, so that added to my frustration.

My frustration was not towards her, actually. The frustration was more about thinking that soon, there will be three of them to handle! Ally's getting more and more difficult nowadays, I don't know how she's going to react to the new arrivals soon. I've tried disciplining her and try to spend less time with her to get her used to the idea of not having me exclusively to herself, but then I would feel guilty and shower her with all the love, hugs and kisses again. I would scold her when she does something naughty, but then her sad face would send me running back towards her.

What can I do, she's just too cute! Daddy says she's got me all wrapped up around her little finger, but who cares? I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm obsessed with my little girl. It doesn't sound so healthy, I know, and may not be good for her in the long run. But I figured, these early years may be the only times I have to really pamper her, as she may drift away from me when she grows up.

I just hope that she won't in any way feel like she's being replaced once the babies arrive. And I hope there'll be enough love to go around too.

Will I be able to cope?

The Everything Twins Book

The book I ordered online two weeks ago finally arrived today - The Everything Twins, Triplets, and More Book by Pamela Fierro. It's quite helpful, though a little less informative than I expected. I already know most of the facts in it through my readings on the net. It's handy to have, however, so I'm quite glad I bought it.

One part in Chapter 1 really caught my attention, though, and is very interesting to note.

'As a parent of multiples, you'll often hear people say "Oh, my kids were only eleven months apart. It was just like having twins." There's no easy way - and no good reason - to politely explain to someone that the two situations are nothing alike. It's easiest just to smile and nod agreeably.'

How true it must be.

Project No. 1

I am now embarking on Project No. 1 in preparation of the arrival of the twins. I'm just going to call it The Rearrangement of the Master Bedroom. If you’ve been to my place, you’ll see how big a challenge this task is. I live in a 3-bedroom condominium, so the challenge is to fit a queen bed, two cots, one dressing table, 1 wardrobe, an extra wardrobe for the kids’ clothes and baby stuff storage – all in the very limited space that I have. I thought I should start early on this, as I know I won’t be able to do much once I get 'bigger'. If only some interior decorator would come forward and give me some ideas.

So last night I had painstakingly measured the room and everything in it and drew out the room layout right down to scale. The outcome was quite nice, considering the fact that I have no artistic talent whatsoever, and the fact that I had a little ‘helper’ who kept fighting me for the measuring tape. Now I realise that we do have ample space. I am getting more and more excited about this!

Can't wait to go shopping!!

18th week

Just got back from the doctor's office for my 18th week appointment. I am so relieved that the babies are doing fine. Both are looking good, Baby No. 1 is now 228grams, Baby No. 2 230grams. According to the doctor their sizes corresponds well with their age. Which means they're growing as they should be. They also appear normal, with no apparent deformities or disease. Alhamdulillah! To be honest, I've been quite worried about them, but of course, I've been keeping the worries all to myself. Now that I know they're both doing very well, all I need to do is to continue eating healthily and focus towards having a healthy pregnancy.

I, however, haven't gained any weight since my last check-up. The doctor said it's because my metabolism level is currently 2.5 times more than normal, so that's why I haven't gained any weight. The doctor said not to worry, though. According to her it's normal not to gain much weight at this stage of pregnancy. I'm sure I'll baloon up in a couple of months!

Oh, well, I have to get to bed now. Ally slept early tonite, so I guess she'll be awake early tomorrow morning. And I'm tired and sleepy.

the (big) debut

i'm not much of a blogger, but recent developments in my life has inspired me to start blogging. i'm a not-yet-thirty mother to a two-year-old girl - ally, and am currently expecting again - with twins! as there are no known history of twins in my family, you can just imagine the magnitude of my shock upon learning that i was carrying twins. i freaked out big time! i didn't sleep for days, and can't stop thinking about how i was going to cope with two babies at once! i know, it's been done before, but still, i just didn't think i could do it.

i'm now 17 weeks into my pregnancy. though still freaked out, i am getting more and more excited about these twins. especially when i managed to make so many people jealous about it! however, there's a lot of planning to be done, and being me, the most un-organised person on earth, the planning has been, well, kinda none. daddy's not a big help either. can't blame him, though. he's currently at a point in his career where he needs to get himself out there, and since he is showing so much potential, i don't want to bother him much. ally's getting more and more clingy to me nowadays, maybe she's sensing a big change about to happen. and my maid, well, she hasn't made her mind about whether or not she's staying. i'm sensing she's a bit freaked out as well, at the prospect of having to take care of 3 kids at once.

my biggest problem now is getting someone to take care of my children while i'm at work. even if my current maid does decide to stay, i'm not sure if i can entrust her with taking care of 3 children alone. so, my options are :-

1. get a second maid - not sure if we can afford it, though

2. quit my job - this may be a last resort. we can't afford this right now

3. move back to kl (am currently staying in jb), where we can be near my parents - daddy doesn't agree, he's doing so well here

4. move my parents here - impossible!

5. send the kids to a day-care center - no way!!

am i thinking about this too much? maybe this is why i haven't gained any weight since my pregnancy. i am, in fact, losing weight. my weight right now is well below my pre-pregnancy weight.

oh well, this blogging thing is getting me all freaked out again. i better get to sleep now.